Have someone ever articulated something hurtful about you?
Did you felt insignificant or hollow afterwards?
It was Tuesday, and I recalled waking up feeling enthusiastic for the day. I was going to get new seats in Math class, pre-calculus.
However, once I got to school, I knew that the day would not be a good day. For starters, my mum overlooked to make breakfast for me, I furthermore reached school 5 minutes late and I had forgotten my analysis notes at home.
It wasn’t until 3rd period, that my day had turn for the worst.
I was in my 3rd period class, minding my own business and replicating notes from the textbook down into my notebook when I heard my friend calling me. I looked up and she lightheartedly called me out, I recognized that she was joking so I chuckled and told her off. However, from behind me, I heard my peer mumbled a malicious comment about me under her breath. I heard it undoubtedly, and for a moment, I was frozen in shock.
How can she say that about me? She doesn’t even know me personally.
I snapped out from my trance when the bell rang, signaling for 4th period, ignoring what she had muttered, I stood up and strolled to my 4th period with my friend. Following 4th period was lunch.
It strike again during lunch. During lunch, I was attending the students, when abruptly a cluster of either junior or sophomore boys came. The minute they saw me, they sniggered and told me that I looked ludicrous in my hairnet and ridiculed my appearance.
I couldn’t understand. Why were they doing this? Are they benefiting from it? No.
Instead of backing down, I remained composed and got their food for them. After handing them their food, one of the boys came up, and took some napkins. The minute he got the plate of pepperoni pizza, he immediately dab the pizza and laugh,
“Eww. This pizza is so oily, but it’s not as oily as her face.”
I felt gross after hearing that. I felt so worthless because I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t think of anything to retort and I just stood there numbly while giving the boys an opportunity to laugh and mock me.
I didn’t even know them.
When I got home, I locked myself in my room and cried my eyes out. I was cocoon in my blanket when my friend barged in. He told me to get up and dress properly, he was going to take me out.
I obliged because you see, my friend is stubborn and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
After getting dressed, we left to the beach. Once we got there, we walked to the pier and he told me to scream as loud as I wanted, scream the hurtful words away, scream the unwanted and worthless feelings away.
I did, although I couldn’t scream loudly because my throat was sore from crying, and it helped. I felt lighter and I felt like I could breathe again.
My friend taught me that at the end of the day, words are just words, they cannot physically hurt you and they cannot emotionally hurt you unless you let them. Don’t let them get to you, because once you do, you are admitting defeat.
Also, sometimes you just need to let everything out, talk to someone instead of bottling everything up. You can only be strong for so long. Remember, you’re not alone.
Thank you J.
Feature image by: http://disabilitydunktank.com/, humility | Disability Dunk Tank